The Cheese Gobblin Cheesemonger


Cheese Gobblins

The Cheese Gobblin lives underground in the mountains and caves and inherited their name because they love to gobble cheese,. They are acclaimed for their exquisite cheeses and stylish footwear but what is less known about them is that they evolved from bats. They have a symbiotic relationship with the fungi that grow in their subterranean grottos and pay fealty to their ruler, King Cheese.

Cheese Gobblin Cheesemonger

The famous cheesemongers

Cheese Gobblin’s are most famous for the cheeses they make, which are highly prized all over Ordinary World. The cheese making art is passed down through generations through fervently guarded recipe books. These expert artisans aren’t the cleanliest bunch of specialists, but in actual fact it’s their less than sanitary behaviour which gives their cheese its special flavour. It is this immersion in their product which allows discerning gastronomers to taste the unique flavour of each cheesemonger in their hand made cheeses.

The Cheese Gobblin cheese making process

This process has existed for generation after generation, changing very little over time. The only alterations are minor ones in the recipe, variations in fungi and milk for example. This is the basic process behind every Cheese Gobblin cheese.

  1. Select the milk from your chosen mammal. Strain the milk through a sock, which has been worn for a minimum of a week. The milk picks up the essential bacteria that is the foundation of Cheese Gobblin cheese’s flavour. This also provides the necessary acids to start the separation process.
  2. Add your chosen fungi to the milk whilst warming it over a medium heat in your skillet. The fungi adds the microbial rennet that acts as a coagulant. Mix and stir patiently until a gel forms.
  3. Test the firmness of the mixture when the milk appears set by shoving your face in, pressing it against the jelly and shaking it all about.
  4. Cut the curd into small cubes with your trusty cheese knife that has been bequeathed to you by your forebears.
  5. Stir and gently cook the curd, whilst you or a professional cheese blower adds breath to the pot via a cheese straw. This dries the curd out. As it cooks and dries, the blower should also occasionally suck the whey from the pot and gob it into the nearby spittoon. This washes and drains the curd cubes.
  6. Towell the sweat off the cheesemonger’s body. Then wring this towell and any sweatbands you are wearing out over the curds in a warm, dry cave. Press the curds firmly into a free and available wheel.
  7. Now preserve the cheese in wax. Harvest the wax needed from the ears of bats and cut with small perforations to allow it to breath.
  8. Leave the wheel to mature and age in an ageing chamber. These are typically small caves with stalactites whose calcified moisture drips onto the cheese. This final step forms that unique Cheese Gobblin chalky rind we all love.
  9. Serve as a delicious treat once the cheese has had the time to fully age. Recycle the wax once peeled off to make various Cheese Gobblin items. The most famous of these items are their fashionable Cheese Gobblin boots. This traditional footwear is used in the folk tradition of Gobblin Slide Dancing. Their polished slippery soles allow for the slides, glides and sidesteps needed for this formal, popular chamber dance.

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